New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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