Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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