I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
