Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
