I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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