His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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