Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
