i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
