There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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