Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
