you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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