I wish I could teleport
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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