That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
