Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I supernannyed him into submission
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
