Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
