Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
