I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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