Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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