I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
