I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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