I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
