Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
