dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize