how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
