The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
