Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
