Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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