for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
