that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
