No stitches, just platelets and will power
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
