How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize