I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
