this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
