i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I forget how to act sober
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
