He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
