you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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