4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
