Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
