I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
