Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize