I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
