It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
