The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
