Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Randomize
