based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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