What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
