Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ruined the universe
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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