What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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