Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
