I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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