My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
