I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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