WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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