Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
