You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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