Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
