I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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