Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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