my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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