Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
should my penis look like a turkey
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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