I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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