using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
